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What is it like to have a relationship when you're in debt?
Debts can put an unbelievable amount of stress on a relation and cause argument, rift and disappointment from both sides. However, whether a individual has debts in the relation, or both, it is possible to let your relation outlive even the most horrible losses of cash. I have had a front rank position when it comes to the effects that debt can have on a relation, and in this contribution I share with you my own experiences.
Debts have always been a part of me and my husband's relationships since we first started meeting in 2001. Both of us were in debt, and at first we didn't discuss it. Almost a year later we moved into a leased apartment together, and for the first year we had common invoices for our rents and expenses.
As a result, our invoices were fully and punctually settled and we kept our financials independent of each other, which corresponded to both of us. Even then, the debts felt like a great load. Years have passed and as you will know, if you have read this blogs for a while, debt has been part of our life for the past 15 years.
Throughout this period our relations have often been tried together for debt and that is why I am posting this article today...to let you know that relations can pass the test of our days even though debt is a part of it. Debt Testing a Relation? Thats because both sides in a rapport can sometimes blame the one with debt (or more debt) because debt gets in the way of making important decisions e.g. to buy a home or change jobs.
Not even looking at myself to challenge my own debt or the choices I had made about my finance because from a technical point of view I had "less debt". One thing I began to realize over the years was that the debt was a load that we both bore because we had no idea how to handle our financials well.
Having looked too hard at the debt figures and not at the measures we had taken together and separately to get us to that point, I was not sure what to do. A further possibility that debt affects relations is because of the pecuniary burden that comes with debt. When debts are not properly administered, they ultimately take their toll off lives in general.
When debts rise, for example, the purchase of luxury and one' s own lives begin to become a problem, just like with "other people". Attempts have been made in luxurious membership and even in a face-to-face exercise programme. There was little luxury we purchased, we spend too much on presents for others and we eat 3-4 meals a day.
That was exacerbated because we thought we were doing everything we could to get out of debt (which we obviously didn't do at the time). As soon as the debts have gone from easy to out of hand, the angst can really build or tear a relation. Suddenly those luxury goods you miss have become a thing of the past and life's actual pecuniary troubles are starting to thrive.
Word like bankruptcy, receivership and debt collection can begin to have more significance, and both sides in a relation can face genuine stresses and worries. In all honesty, we had been trying to repay our debts for years, to renounce luxury and to cut back where we thought we could. And then we had another stroke of debt that couldn't be avoided because it was the outcome of my husband's start-up work.
Never before had we been so afraid as we were when we realized what debts could do to us. If we had not been able to solve our debt issues together, we could have been losing our home, our marriages, and significantly affecting our daughter's lives. However stereotypical that may sound, when two humans really fall in love with each other in a relation, they can get through almost anything.
Unbelievably, debt issues are stressing, especially as debt is often a topic that is often considered off-limits and not discussed enough. Frequently, debt only becomes serious when it is too late and the loss occurs, so recognizing the warnings that your financial situation is out of hand is the first way to get out of the area.
Mutual support is so important, and considering the causes of the debt rather than the level of it is also an important development driver. Make a meaningful and effective way to address the debt together, whether it's the two of you or just one of you.
I and my husband are happy enough to have a very powerful relation and we have been able to overcome our debt issues together. Recognising the adverse financial behaviour that we both exhibited during debt taking, we saw the harm that we both did. We agreed on our way of getting into debt, and in the end we agreed on our way of getting out of it.
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